wow.
let me tell you about today. i woke up at like 3:00pm after getting wasted last night. in waking up i found myself cuddling with a friend. how weird!! but what is so horrible is the fact that it was so sweet and so perfect, i let it happen and ignored the fact that i dont want him they way he wants me. i feel horible.i didnt know that i felt this way about him until now. my best friend knows how i feel but she tells me we can make it work. how can we make it work when i have feelings for someone els.whome im not going to mention because i know it would probably never work. hes "over me" and is wraped up in someone els. but what ever.liz tells me im stupid but really i cant help the way i feel. i want to like this guy because he is just everything i need and what but i just dont see me going anywhere with him. and yes i know liz when you read this you are going to tell me im stupid and that i can make it work but honsetly hear me out....i have though about it and i really dont want to be with him....i know i cant make up my mind....but i do know i just want to be friends with him. please except that and be with me through all of this....i love you crazy bitch....know what i think....you should drop travis and you can become a man and we could get married ....lol ew....im just playen...that is so fugen grose!!

well im actually not going to talk about drama...im all done with it. anyways today was ok.....woke up and took a shower...liz called me and asked me if i wanted to go and hang out with my old friend erica...man did i miss her. well went over there talked about old times. man i miss the good ole days..ok that sounded hick...lol...well i want to writ more but i just got an im from kyle so i have to talk to his sorry ass....im done
<3

what the fuck i didnt make everyone hate you. fuck i just said i hated you when we were kids to cause drama. well im out of that fucken stage now, and why you would bring up shit from the past is beyond me.yeah it might stick with you for the rest of your life but at least i know what i did was wrong now and i said that i was sorry about it.and no you have never said anything behind my back...scince we are bring up shit from the past i do recall you telling erica you though i was plain looking. that is what started all that i hate you shit in the first place.so you have no say so in that.you know what liz you know i get over thins easy...im just like you. but its different this time. your my best friend, you made me look like an ass and fucking didnt even come after me when you knew you had hurt me.that is why all this shit is going down.

now that i have mad my point
liz i miss you. you are my bestest friend in the whole world(jessica i miss you too)i just cant take this shit anymore.its all stupid.to tell you the truth i was over this shit like 2 days after it all occured, but i just though i would give you and me some room. now i see giving it room dosnt help shit it makes it worse.we need to talk our shit out if we r going to continue being best friends.

oh and by the way dont think i forgot about 4th of july, we r hanging out damn it even if we r fighting you have no say, i will hunt you down and make sweet sweet love to your sweet ass liz!

tell travis i miss him to, and that i say hi!!
has your mom given you any money yet? if not slap a hoe and take it from her. you dont ask for much damn!

well you know what liz....you and jessica might be fine and all but im not. that was bullshit what you pulled. fucking coming over to my house telling me all the shit happening with you and jessica...exspecting me to feel sorry for you. well you know what i did. and i posted how i fucking felt. and now that you and jessica are friends again it just made me look like an ass. i cant believe i did that for you and you pull this. fucking you 2 were talking shit about eachother not even 24 hours before. what the fuck. and when i told you i was coming over you didnt bother to tell me that jessica and wesley were there. what did you expect me to do liz? huh? i almost walked fucking home, and did you even try to come after me when i walked out of your house? no.you didnt even care about what i thought or how i felt.all you cared about was that wesley had fucking pot. you just let me go.i didnt even get a fucking hi. at least travis was nice enough to say hi to me.you know what i know your not coming after me like you did jessica. but to tell you the truth im tired of all that shit anyways.fuck it im not a good enough friend to you anyways. go to jessica. but when you do dont turn back. because like you said to jessica about taryn this will happen again only next time there will be no making up.we have never been like this before , but maybe its just that time. i knew that you didnt really like hanging out with me that much. yeah i know i was there when you were bord and no i dont take it back or regret it because we had good times but i just am tired of this shit. im all alone and im fine with it.im sure i can find other friends. honestly none like you but i know where i stand in your life now and i dont want to be there anymore.so im out.

if honesty it the best policy,im about to use it in the most rightfull manner. first off i saw no valid point in you bringing travis into you and lizes little bitch fest,in your last journal entry. how dare you say liz treats travis like a piece of property.you and i both know that travis lets her do it to him and dosnt bitch about it. so what the fuck were you getting at. if he dosnt mind dont bring up stupid shit like that. but while we are still on the subject i do believe the reason liz is this way tward travis is because when liz and travis started dating he treated he like trash. like he could throw her away anytime he felt frogy. well she had to deal with his shit dont you think she deserves to be able to talk to him any way she feels like.and even though travis treated her like shit she stayed right there by his side. for better or worst. through the bullshit and abuse. so if you really think she treats him like shit just think back to the things he use to do to her. you were there. she spent many nights crying to you when i was not there.think travis is the one who made her this way. it is his falt there for he gets what he deserves. and obveousy he likes it so bud out of that.not trying to sound rude even though it might seem that way, but honestly bringing travis into somthing he didnt even try to get in. none the less want to get in, is bullshit on your part. to tell you the truth i think this whole thing is bull shit. if you and liz are going to fight then leve everyone out of it. and oh dont bring up taryn. you think that hurts liz when you say that she is just like her when we all know the real truth. there is no way around that one jessica.taryn is so far from being liz its funny that you would even put the two in the same sentence. i chuckel at you. this shit needs to just fucking blow ove like everything els. its stupid to fight over such little shit.

"i've lied to you. the same way that i always do. this is the last smile,i fake, for the sake of being with you. to sacrafice is never knowing.why i never walked away,why i play myself this way. now i see you testing me,pushes me away.i've tried,like you,to do everthing that you want me to.this is the last time i take to blame for the sake of being with you,the sacrafice of hiding from the light."
"everything you say to me brings me one step closer to the edge and im about to break i need a little room to breath cuz im one step closer to the edge and im about to break"
"what do i do to ignore thoes behind me. do i follow my instinkstinks blindly. do i trust nobody and live in lonleyness? i cant hold on. its all to much to take. it i cant hold on. i feel you sinking in. if i let you go i will be out done, if i try to catch you i will be out run.i cant hold on its all to much to take it.
"i had to fall to loose it all but in the end it dosnt even matter"
"im so sick of the tention of the hunger sick of you acting like i owe you this.you use to be calm you use to be strong. i wanna be in another place i hate when you say you dont understand. you try to take the best of me go away."

hey,baby

this is my new name